Between Us
by forestwife
Summary: Daniel introspection & Missing scene of ‘Fallen’. “Samantha Carter? Was there ever anything... between us?” What made Daniel ask that question? And why didn't he want to know who he was? Implied SD. Please R&R!


Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1

SUMMARY: Daniel introspection/ Missing scene of 'Fallen'. "Samantha Carter? Was there ever anything... between us?" What made Daniel ask that question? Implied S/D.

Between Us

"_Samantha Carter? Was there ever anything... between us?"_

She was Arrom's first good memory. After weeks of living with the current natives of the planet he was currently on, after weeks of spending hours lying awake every night, trying to remember...

She hadn't been his _first_ memory, despite what he'd led people to believe. There had been several times during the weeks when, lying in his tent, he'd recalled feelings of fear, desperation and resignation. He remembered _knowing_ that something, something terrible, was about to happen and that there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it.

And then there was the pain... Arrom remembered being in total and complete agony, his insides on fire, melting, liquefying. His skin burning at the slightest touch. It wasn't a memory he wanted to have. He didn't want to bear it, carry it. But still it haunted him day and night, not giving him a moment's peace of mind.

After several of his attempts to remember had only produced these horrific feelings, he'd stopped trying. He'd given up. But he hadn't told anyone about what he'd remembered. Arrom knew that if he did, they'd want to talk about it, and all he wanted to do was forget again.

So, he'd resigned himself to the fact that he would live out the rest of his days on this planet with these people, never knowing where his true home was or who he truly was. It wouldn't have been so bad either. The people were friendly and kind/ They treated him as one of their own, accepting him the way he'd never have expected anyone to.

But then one fateful day, the strangers from a far off world had come, and everything had changed. Arrom had tried to avoid them at first, but inevitably he was taken to meet them. And to his surprise, they seemed to recognise him, and claimed that they were his friends and that he was called Daniel Jackson.

Arrom had weighed the name in his mind. He didn't feel like a Daniel, although he supposed that considering his circumstances, it was apt. The name meant, _God is my judge_... and it definitely felt as though he had been judged, cast out from wherever he had been before with nothing, not even an identity. Whether he had been judged by God or not was a completely different matter.

But the fact was that before the strangers had come, Arrom, or Daniel, or whoever he was, had been without hope... until he saw her.

Amongst the strangers was a woman with hair the colour of the sun, and eyes of the sky, just like his own. And as he looked at her coming towards him, her hand outstretched to touch his face, the memory hit him. He felt... feelings for this woman, and in the instant he held up his hand to block hers, he knew that he loved her, and that he would give his life for hers if he had to.

He remembered her smiling face, he remembered her laugh, and he remembered her determination to succeed. But then he remembered something else. Daniel heard her voice, a voice from his past, _"You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped you always knew..."_ He could hear the break in her voice, could almost see the tears in her eyes.

A lump in his throat, Daniel moved away. He had caused this woman, Sam, so much pain, he had abandoned her when she'd needed him, he could feel it. He shouldn't be near her, all he'd do was hurt her again.

"_Don't you recognise us?" _she'd asked. But all he could do was say, _"I'm sorry," _and hurry away quickly. It had been a lie, there was no doubt in his mind about that. He may not have known who she was, but he recognised her, and only her. He _knew_ the woman in front of him. Sam, she'd said her name was.

Later, the man, Jim, had come to try and get Arrom—Daniel to go back with them to their world. Daniel had listened, but was unconvinced. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He didn't want to deal with this now, should he stay or should he go?

Then, Sam, or Samantha Carter as she introduced herself, had done the same. It was all that Daniel could do to sit and listen. He knew in an instant that he wanted to go back with them, but _should_ he? Fear still had it's hold on him. The fear that he'd let everyone down, that he'd let _her_ down.

And as he'd explained to Samantha Carter, he didn't know who he was, he didn't know if he wanted to be the person he was. What if he couldn't make up for what he'd done wrong?

But her next words had lifted the burden from his soul. And from the way she'd flattered him with her answer, Daniel knew he had to ask. He knew he loved Samantha Carter, but did she love him in return?

"_Samantha Carter? Was there ever anything... between us?"_

Although he hadn't let anything show on his face other than mild curiosity, inside Daniel was a bunch of nerves, and quivering nerves at that. His hands went cold and his stomach churned as he waited for Samantha's, Sam's, answer.

But to his bitter disappointment, Sam had merely looked confused, as if such a thought as them being together had never occurred to her, and said, _"No, not in that way. We-we were really, really good friends."_

Daniel shook his head slightly in disappointment and said quietly, "Okay."

But as Samantha returned outside to where Jim was undoubtedly being regaled with various moral-teaching fables by Shamda, Daniel, or was he truly Arrom?, dropped his head to his chest. He should've known that whatever relationship he and Sam had had was one-sided.

At least one good thing had come of his conversation with Sam. Now Daniel knew that Sam didn't think that he'd completely let her down, or that he had anything to make up to her. He supposed that whatever he'd done to make her cry had been out of his control, or there'd been a good reason for his actions, or it had happened a long time ago and Sam had long since forgiven him.

So although Daniel now knew that there was nothing between him and Sam, and that there never would be, he felt a huge weight lift off his chest. He had remembered something good, something that made him smile, and that gave him hope, hope that everything else he'd lost would return. He also hoped that with his memories, he would remember how to hide his feelings for Sam, as he'd obviously been doing for a long, long time.

One other consequence of his conversation with Sam had taken Daniel slightly by surprise. Up until now, he hadn't felt like anybody. He had been a man without a past, without an identity. He had taken up the name of 'Arrom', but thinking on what he'd been told, Daniel realised that he now felt like Daniel Jackson. Some vital part of himself had been missing, but it had returned with Sam and he was now more than a mere shadow of a man.

Making his choice, Daniel picked up his bag of meagre belongings and walked out of the tent just in time to hear the jaffa ask, "What of Daniel Jackson?"

But he knew what Daniel Jackson wanted, so he replied, "He's going home."

Because it was true. Daniel may not know exactly where or what he was going back to. But he knew that he would consider any place that Sam was as home. And that was where he'd follow her.

There, and to the ends of the universe if needs be.

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A/N: I did have a whole other take on what was going through Daniel's head when he asked that question, and it was a whole lot less S/D, and a whole lot more a case of mistaken identity, but then when I tried to write it, this came out...

So, what did you think? A bit sappy I know, and bear in mind that I wrote this in about an hour at babysitting, so please excuse any typos... Still, please review!


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